Robert Griffith | 28 March 2024
Robert Griffith
28 March 2024


The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation.  After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry.  The deacons met and decided to fill the baptistry and install a water-slide and let the squirrels drown themselves.  The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church.  Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Anglican church tried a more unique path by setting out bowls of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning.  They sadly learned just how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can inflict.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy!  They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church.  Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They circumcised the first squirrel they encountered and they haven’t seen any squirrels since!